Welcome Back Me!

Well as Pocahontas and Princess can attest to I'm not very good at this whole blog thing but today I felt the need to write what's happened in this last year in an effort to reclaim me. This last year has been one of the most difficult years of my life. You see I fell in love, head over heels out of control love.

I guess I should start from the beginning I used to work for a baseball team and I dated one of the players. Normally I'm against the whole interoffice relationship thing, but there was just something about him I couldn't shake. We dated through the summer then I jetted off to school (I went to university in Hawaii) and this long distance I come home in the summer thing happened for awhile but it just didn't work out so we broke up one summer before I went back to Hawaii. I really wasn't a fan of dating a guy that was a whole continent away from me. He was going to school in North Carolina.

Well we went through the fall semester not talking and then the winter semester and finally I got to come home, this is where my hardest year ever starts, because I graduated! I was so excited finally be done. That meant that it didn't matter where in the world he was I could go with him and we wouldn't have to be apart any more. That is if he would still have me, and I mean why wouldn't he? I'm a ten! LOL! So we both came back home for the summer and started seeing each other again. Turns out that he had a girl friend back at school. I asked him to pick and he had to think about it.

If you know anything about me I don't share well and I definitely don't come in second to anyone so the fact that he was actually having a hard time deciding between me and this other girl, who from now on will be referred to Bar Star) devastated me. I honestly couldn't believe that someone who had spent months telling me how much they missed me and loved me picked some one else. Oh ya after he thought about it he picked the Bar Star.

Well the Bar Star had a secret to, she was living with her ex back in North Carolina. So needless to say he came back. Told me what a mistake he had made (which he had, I'm Awesome kinda crazy but awesome) and that he would spend forever making it up to me. He worked at it pretty hard for a month and I caved I let him back in my life. We didn't put a title on anything because he was going back to school in Louisiana this time and I didn't really trust him enough yet to do long distance. I wasn't able to go with him because when he broke my heart I decided to go back to school and play basketball.

So he went to school and to begin with thing were great, they were actually perfect. We had this beautiful little skype relationship going on and we would text all the time and I really thought things were really good between us. Then I made a colossal mistake! I told him that I forgave him for the last summer and that I couldn't wait for him to get home. Ever since then things went down hill. He still called and texted me and told me how much he loved me and missed me. Then something changed.

He got really distant and the calls were less frequent but he said that he still loved me and that he was just really busy with school. So I gave him his space. On my Birthday, which is December 10th in case you were interested, he sent flowers and the card was beautiful. So I thought I'm going to go on facebook and write a really nice thank you. I generally don't go on facebook, one because it makes me crazy and to everything important comes to my phone. Or so I thought. I log in just on cloud 9 and I see him kissing someone else in his profile picture and his status is about how he misses his baby! I couldn't even believe what I was seeing. My palms got sweaty and my heart started racing I really thought I was going to be sick. I couldn't believe that he was doing it to me again!

So me being me, slightly irrational, I call him right on the spot and lose it! I called him all kinds of names etc, but he didn't care. He told me I knew this would happen. Talk about a slap in the face.

So a couple weeks go on and I get this message, on facebook of course, and its from the new girl, lets call her boobs for brains. So boobs for brains messages me and asks me all these questions about mine and jerk offs relationship. Stuff like how close were we and when did we last talk and did he ever buy me a ring. She then proceed to tell me that he had gotten her one for Christmas. CHRISTMAS!!!! That is on December 25th, which just happens to be 15 days after birthday, in case you couldn't remember from earlier.

So he managed to pick someone else over me again but for some reason that doesn't even hurt as much as loosing him as my friend. I've been going through this break up with out the once person in my life who always new exactly what to say to make me laugh or to make me realize how irrational i was being. My other two best friends have never met him and its been so long since I've seen any of them that I don't know how to tell them what I'm feeling or what even has been going on.

So that's been my traumatic year. I graduated from university I bought a house, a car I was ready to join the real world. Now I live alone, am going back to school but don't seem to care about anything and the guy I thought I was going to be with forever is marry someone else.

The purpose of this post was to get it all out to leave every hurt and mixed emotion on the paper in an effort to move on. In an effort to let go of the past and realize me again. I needed to say what I have been keeping bottled up and causing me to cry at the drop of a hat, and second guess everything that I do. I am not a Bar Star and I definitely have brains instead of boobs and I'm a catch I will not not let him ruin one more day!